dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
