Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
