i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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