I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
