Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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