dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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