i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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