All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
