the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
