i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
