Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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