It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
