I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
