After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
