legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
