i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
