and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
