I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
