im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
