dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
