yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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