I smell stomach acid.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
