My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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