I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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