You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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