I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
