Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
