And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
