Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
