I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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