i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
