I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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