It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
