I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
