Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
A+ Viking dick
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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