i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
