I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
