I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
