Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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