Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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