I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
