I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The Olympian is in my bed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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