go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
