im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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