I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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