Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
