: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize