You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
