so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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