Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
