smell my finger.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
