we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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