elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
