he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
