ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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