My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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