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Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Even my vagina gasped.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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