Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
