Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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