Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
