in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
