toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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