my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
