She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
