Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
