I'm jealous of your bromance
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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