oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hippo gnu deer
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
