He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize