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• (317): View more from Indiana

  im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.

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• (347): View more from New York

  full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb

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• (518): View more from New York

  Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Why is there bacon braided in my hair

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• (239): View more from Florida

  COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING

  (646): View more from New York

  (239): View more from Florida

  Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...

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• (619): View more from California

  You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you

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• (239): View more from Florida

  I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.

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