There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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