biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
