Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
