he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just high enough for therapy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
